Gentle Communication
Declarative Language for Children with PDA
As a speech therapist, I've often encountered children who seem to push back at every instruction or suggestion. If you're a parent, teacher, or therapist working with a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), you might be nodding your head right now. It can be so disheartening when our sessions do not go as planned because our student is unwilling to engage. The good news? There's a communication approach that can make a world of difference: declarative language. I've recently been diving into Linda Murphy's fantastic book, "The Declarative Language Handbook," and I'm excited to share some insights with you.
What is Declarative Language?
Declarative language, as Murphy explains in her book, is all about making observations and comments rather than giving direct instructions. It's a strategy that invites the child to engage without feeling like we're putting demands on them. This is crucial because children with PDA have a very real fear that they can't meet the expectations of the adults around them. When they hear a demand, it causes an anxiety spike. By using declarative language, we help keep their nervous system feeling safe and reduce the sense of expectation on them.
How Does It Work?
Instead of saying, "Put your shoes on," you might say, "We're going outside. It's chilly today. I wonder what we could use to keep our feet warm?"
This subtle shift, which Murphy explores in depth in her handbook, does two things:
1. It provides information about the situation
2. It invites the child to problem-solve without feeling directed
The Magic of Declarative Language
I've seen pretty amazing changes when using this approach. Parents who have struggled to get their child ready and out the door report more ease and less cajoling, convincing, bribing and negotiating with their child. It's not just about getting tasks done; it's about building trust and fostering independence.
Want to Learn More?
II've put together a detailed handout that dives deeper into declarative language, including:
How to use declarative language effectively
Examples of transforming common instructions
Tips for offering supportive next steps
Download Your Free Declarative Language Handout Here
For even more fantastic resources, I highly recommend checking out Linda Murphy's blog. She offers a wealth of information and practical strategies for supporting children with PDA, including valuable insights on co-regulation.
And if you're looking to dive deeper, "The Declarative Language Handbook" is a quick and easy read and is also low cost! (we love a bargain!)
Wishing you meaningful connections,
Claire (CSLP) xx
